Why Can’t a Woman be More Like a Man?

There is a leadership gap. Women don’t hold as many leadership positions as men. According to Alice Eagly, only 2% of Fortune 500 CEO positions are held by women.There is no clear cause (although there are a whole lot of possible causes). The barriers to women in leadership are cultural, organizational and individual. We hold beliefs about the appropriate behaviour of men and women that limit women. We hold beliefs about ourselves. Organizations develop structures and systems that reward men and limit women. And yes, women make choices that create their own limitations.

Many of the cultural barriers to women’s leadership are derived from implicit beliefs about the appropriateness of certain behaviours that are critical to leadership. For example, powerful women are believed to be unsuited for leadership when they talk more than average, whereas powerful men are believed to be more competent and more suited for leadership. When women get angry in the workplace they are judged as out of control and incompetent, whereas angry men are judged as more competent. Keep in mind that we are not aware of these judgments. In fact if you asked explicitly these same observers would tell you that “of course women make good leaders”. The judgment happens unconsciously.

The comments I received on these more detailed posts were interesting. They highlight the conundrum we face as leaders – do we accept social norms and change our behaviour to more appropriate “female” behaviour, or do we try to enlighten or change the way that culture and organizations see women?

This choice has very real consequences for many women. If we accept social norms, we may achieve some organizational success and acquire lower level leadership positions.  However, it is unlikely that we will break through to more senior leadership positions, as they call for more traditional male behaviour, which women are judged as inappropriate and out of control.

If we choose to behave in a more masculine way, more talkative, engaged and action oriented we can, perhaps, be at the vanguard of changing the way both men and women think about what is “appropriate” behaviour by each of the stereotypes. This choice means that we’re investing in long-term gain for all women.  It likely means that attainment of even moderate leadership roles might be beyond the reach of this less traditional female.

Many women used to say that you need to behave like a man to achieve leadership roles. In fact, the research suggests that you will be judged incompetent if you behave like a woman, (although people will like you), and judged angry, incompetent and unsuited for leadership if you behave like a man. So even if we could “behave like a man”, as Henry Higgins suggested in My Fair Lady, the result is not likely the acquisition of a leadership position.

So what’s a girl to do? Pick the pragmatic “behave like a girl” option, achieve moderate success and enjoy being liked? Or pick the more idealistic option to try to change how people see these stereotypes, fight through the challenges, take the risk that you might accomplish more, or you might be relegated to the category of “loose cannon”.  That answer is personal to each individual.  Maybe the question should be “Why Should a Woman be More Like a Man?”

He checked his cell phone

He looked at it. Again and again and again. Which caught my eye.  Sitting in a fast food place yesterday after a short shopping binge,  I was watching a guy seated across from me. In the time it took for him to eat his french fries, he looked at his cell phone 25 times, and picked it up to text or surf twice.  In less than five minutes!

No wonder white-collar productivity is tanking.  I would bet he wasn’t even aware of his constant distraction. So what’s the harm? Distraction causes accidents. Distractions also mean we’re on “automatic” – not thinking about what we are doing.  For example, when we multitask while eating, we tend to eat more, since we aren’t aware of how full we feel.  They also slow down our processing – making us less efficient. We don’t learn things as well, and have a harder time recalling information learned when multitasking.

In addition to the risks and the decline in productivity, our constant need to “check in” with our technology takes us out of the moment. I know, sounds all new-agey. But it is true. We don’t know how to be just with ourselves, with out the distractions of technology. We don’t know how to be with our friends and family without constant connection to our virtual friends, family and customers. We don’t know how to let our ideas gel without the constant stimulation of texts, posts, tweeting and information. It feels like we need to fill every available minute with busy work.

We become used to constant stimulation to the point that we can’t focus for more than ten or twenty minutes at a time. We feel cut off without the contact. I always chuckle to myself when I see  couple out for a romantic date, sitting across the table from each other, not staring into each others eyes, but staring into the blue glow of their cell phones. It seems like they’re missing one of life’s great experiences.

When was the last time you just daydreamed? You know, stared out of a window, not thinking about anything?  Does everything need to be filled with busy? You can be busy, but not necessarily effective. The next time you pick up that phone, tablet or laptop, ask your self, “Will what I’m about to do make a difference?” If not, maybe you should put it down and just enjoy your french fries.

Working Effectively: Step Away from the Cell Phone!

I laughed out loud (LOL) when my karate Sempi Julia posted the sign to the right on her FaceBook profile.

In humour, there is a germ of truth. Every day I see people crossing busy intersections with ear phones, blue tooth ear thingys, or madly typing away on cell phones.  Unfortunately this lowers their awareness of what is happening around them.  The result?  A big increase in the likelihood of a pedestrian/car accident.

Lack of situational attention (caused by use of gadgets) also increases the likelihood of being attacked.  Self-defense instructors emphasize that the best way to defend ones self in a personal attack, is to not get into the situation in the first place.  How do you do that?  By being aware of what’s happening around you, and adjusting your own behaviour/situation.  If you notice that you’re walking down a dark, unpopulated side street, you can get onto a more populated street, where it is less likely you will be attacked. If you are busy staring at your phone screen, you won’t notice the absence of people.

The problem with gadgets is that they reduce your situational awareness, because of divided attention.  Our brains cannot process two streams of information at the same time.  I’ve posted about the fact that texting reduces performance in learning environments. 

If you are busy listening to music, or texting, you just don’t see the car that just ran the red light, that is coming straight at you. Don’t believe me?  Watch this video.  

How to you manage your gadget addiction?  Some simple rules:

1. Don’t use gadgets when physically moving (okay, you get an exception on the treadmill).
2. Don’t use gadgets when listening or talking to someone who is physically present.
3. Give yourself gadget breaks — after 50 minutes of gadget free work, check your texts for ten minutes.
4. Disconnect for 24 hours.  See how it feels.
5. Block off chunks of time to work gadget free. 
6. Have gadget free meetings. 

The big challenge for all of us is to develop self-discipline when using gadgets. The sooner we do, the more productive and effective we’ll be.  So, “Step Away from the Cell Phone”.

Leadership: To be Loved and Respected

As children, we all learned how to play well with others. We learned to sense how they were feeling, developed empathy, learned to share. We also learned how to stand up for our selves, how to influence others, how to accomplish something together.

As adults, these same behaviours are important in the workplace. There are two groups of behaviours that drive workplace effectiveness:  Love and Respect. 

The Love behaviours are those that make you a joy to work with.  You have empathy for others, emotional intelligence, openness to ideas, a sense of humour, a vision for what could be, consideration for others, humility, enthusiasm, show compassion, politeness. Essentially you are a nice person.  All of these factors have been shown to be linked to positive leadership perception of performance.  It’s interesting, however, that ”Love” behaviours have not always been linked to business performance.

It’s likely that other factors such as industry environment or the economy explain some of this gap.  However, I suspect that there is a second set of factors that explain why “Love” isn’t a perfect predictor of performance.   To be truly effective, in addition to being “Loved”, we also must be “Respected”. 

Respect is about self-regulation and high standards.  To create respect, we need to demonstrate integrity, to deliver on our promises, be willing to do the “dirty work” of the organization, to make the tough decisions, to hold ourselves and others to high standards of performance, to be fair but demanding, to be confident, to challenge others to deliver more, better.  Respect is about holding ourselves to a high standard of integrity and performance in pursuit of a vision, and demanding that others do so as well.

Sounds simple, right?  Merely learning and living these behaviours is challenging.  Then, we have to figure out how to balance these two sets of behaviours.  Too much love, and the organization can become a lovely but ineffective place to work.  Too much respect and it can become a toxic, arrogant environment.  And to top it off, the balance between love and respect changes in every situation.

How do we get better at love and respect behaviours?  My friend Louise, the consultant asks, “What is the one thing I can do to be better tomorrow?”  I think that is a great question.  Once I answer that question, I have to do the hard part, I have to put it into practice. 

Being loved and respected is something we all aspire to, but we earn love and respect every day in the workplace.